Today, you turn one.
Today, you look like I did as a child, hair in your eyes, food on your mouth, and your face full of wonder.
Today, you have your daddy’s smile.
Today, you are walking, smiling, playing, and getting into trouble.
Today, you smelled the trees and saw the birds.
Today, you are a paper eater.
Today, you said, “hi,” “bye,” “baby,” “mama,” and “dada.”
Today, you gave me hugs and kisses and squealed with delight.
Today, you are twelve months and a few hours old. You are 365 days, 8,760 hours, or 525,600 minutes old.
When I ponder our year together, I am floored.
How has it been a year since I’ve known you? How has it been a year of around the clock breast feeding, of co-sleeping, of being with you every day and night? How have I held your tiny hands, washed your bare back, rocked you to sleep and been there to greet you every single morning?
How have you grown from a spec in my body to a thriving litlte girl?
A year ago, at this hour, I was in recovery. I had labored for 52 hours. I was sick with my first cold in six years. I was bloated, hungry, sore, and exhausted. And yet, there you were. Alive. Breathing. Sleeping on your blue flannel blanket. Warm. Mine.
And now, here you are – a ONE YEAR OLD.
Everyday, you change, and I change with you.
Everyday, I kiss your hair and breathe you in and smile until my face hurts.
Everyday, I fall a little harder, a little deeper – for you, for your father, for our new life in Nashville.
Everyday, I thank the universe for giving me Lauren and Alejandra – two women I love, admire and adore (and couldn’t have gotten through this experience without).
Thank you, Sophie, for testing me these past twelve months; for giving me so many smiles; for making my new favorite sound the timbre of your laughter; for giving me more patience and stripping away the small things I used to dote on. Thank you for bringing me uncertainty, for allowing me to trust my instincts, for letting me do what’s natural instead of what friends or doctors or books say.
Already, you are the most amazing girl I know.
I am honored to go on this journey with you, to be your parent, and someday, your friend.
Happy Birthday, Sophie.
I love you more today than I did yesterday…
Smile, for you are loved.